I did not think I could do it. Actually, in fact. I knew I could not do it. I absolutely abhor getting in front of people. As a child that was mainly homeschooled, lets just say I did not have much practice getting in front and speaking to others. In college, I distinctly remember my required Oral Interpretation class (memorizing monologues and performing them without notes). I lost my voice a few days leading up to my speech, and then bombed my monologue. It was so bad, my professor kindly asked me if I would like to perform it again another day. My thoughts? Absolutely not, thank you very much.
I talk about how I felt my voice taken from me here. Writing has been a way to find my voice again. This blog has been a blessing to me in that this is a way I can give my voice to the world. It has not been as scary as I thought it would be. I still fear though, every time I hit the “publish” button. However, God has infused me with his courage. It is only through Him that I have found the courage to speak here.
I was asked to speak in front of our Women’s ministry at church. A lot of people would probably not be intimidated by this. I was. I knew God wanted me to speak the minute I was asked, as I had already contemplated taking a speech class because I wanted to get better at speaking about God. I was ready to start preaching to a couple of eighteen year olds if that is what it took. However, God had different plans, as He normally does. I was asked to speak in front of our women’s ministry-not a large group, but anything with a microphone and fifteen or twenty minutes of speaking scares me senseless. My fear incapacitates me. My fear closes my mouth. My fear renders me useless. I become paralyzed.